


To Nourish Human Loneliness.

by crazyforthisloki



Series: theWart and Myrddin [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, M/M, Unconventional Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 05:23:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4250946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyforthisloki/pseuds/crazyforthisloki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trying to overcome the idea that they might be alone in this world, with no space left for them to be, both Arthur and Merlin find a way to connect in an unconventional way that somehow makes perfect sense after a while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Nourish Human Loneliness.

September - January

 

_“Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?”_

 

1.

 

theWart has entered the conversation.

 

Seraphine: u don’t understand half of it u twat.

badaesthetic: don’t call me twat, I prefer my insults to be more original.

wolfmasterandlord: u don’t understand half of it u worthless piece of stale bread.

badaesthetic: that’s more like it. I knew I like u for a reason wolf maniac!

Seraphine: eat dick.

 

theWart has left the conversation.

 

Arstygirly: did u guys watch the episode last night?

badaesthetic: omg! Are u kidding? I cried.

Seraphine: I cried too.

badaesthetic: that’s a shocker.

Arstygirly: shut up stale bread. People are allowed to be sensitive.

badaesthetic: I know that but there’s a limit.

Artsygirly: now there’s a limit for crying?

 

theWart has entered the conversation.

 

Seraphine: if there’s a limit for being a dickhead, u crushed it more than a while ago.

theWart: mmmm hello?

wolfmasterandlord: burnnnn for badaesthetic.

badaesthetic: I’m wounded. Help me.

Artsygirly: hi theWart. Welcome to hell.

theWart: thanks?

badaesthetic: wait. If this is hell, then who’s our king?

Seraphine: queen!!

badaesthetic: but I thought Artsygirly was our resident queen.

Artsygirly: ha bloody ha.

theWart: do you guys always fight with each other?

Artsygirly: no.

badaesthetic: yes.

wolfmasterandlord: it comes and goes. Where are you from theWart?

theWart: mmm I don’t think I should be sharing that information.

wolfmasterandlord: understandable.

wolfmasterandlord: but u can always lie. That’s what I did.

badaesthetic: wait...

badaesthetic: does this mean u don’t really live in Saturn?

wolfmasterandlord: u confused me with Artsygirly. She lives in Uranus.

Artsygirly: fucking hilarious.

theWart: this is weird.

Seraphine: good weird or we should be institutionalised weird?

badaesthetic: I see no difference.

Artsygirly: that’s because u are already in an asylum psycho.

badaesthetic: but the internet connection is glorious.

theWart: can’t decide on that yet.

theWart: I have to go.

Seraphine: bye theWart! :)

wolfmasterandlord: see u tomorrow perhaps?

theWart: maybe.

 

theWart has left the conversation.

 

Artsygirly: what u think?

Seraphine: I like them.

badaesthetic: u like everything that talks to u for more than two seconds.

Seraphine: fuck u stale bread!

 

Seraphine has left the conversation.

 

Artsygirly: happy now?

 

Artsygirly has left the conversation.

 

badaesthetic: bitches am I right?

wolfmasterandlord: dude.

wolfmasterandlord: shut up.

 

wolfmasterandlord has left the conversation.

 

badaesthetic: whatever.

 

badaesthetic has left the conversation.

 

Chat room empty.

Press K to start a new conversation.

 

Myrddin has entered the conversation.

 

Myrddin: hello?

Myrddin: helloooo?

Myrddin: anybody here?

Myrddin: hi...

Myrddin: typical.

 

Myrddin has left the conversation.

 

***

 

Father: Breakfast will be left served and waiting for you in the kitchen. Please leave your room at a reasonable hour. It is irresponsible to leave the kitchen staff waiting, regardless if they are servants or not. Attend to your lessons today on time. I expect to see acceptable results by the end of the week. Do not expect me for lunch or dinner. I will arrive late - Uther Pendragon, CEO of Pendragon Publishing House.

Seen by Arthur Pendragon. 08:36.

 

Arthur: I will not be late. Hopefully you will approve of my results this Friday.

Seen by Father. 08:56.

 

Arthur: have a good day at work.

 

Message not sent. Retry?

 

***

 

Dear Arthur,

Your father sent me your schedule for this week. There will be a slight change in our usual time-table since your father has informed you don’t longer want to take the extra course in History any more. I will add two more lessons in Algebra to compensate the spaces left empty and perhaps we can oversee some of your weaknesses there. The more exercise we do together, the better you’ll get at them.

Too bad about History, I though you really liked those lessons.

Maybe some other time in the future.

See you at nine am,

 

 

Seamus,

Thank you for sending me my new schedule. I will organize my books to be on time this week. My father believes it is not necessary for me to know more about history and I agree. Algebra is not my strongest suit and I am more than thankful for the opportunity to improve.

I will see you later too.

Arthur Pendragon.

 

Don’t worry. We will tame this beast together!

 

***

 

Hey Arthur!

I was thinking about our lesson today. Maybe if I do some magical work I can squish inside the syllabus the T.H. White’s book you mentioned. It doesn’t go along with the programme but I think we can take it as a recreational reading moment.

And I’m sorry but I’ll have to report this to your father. But if we can promise him that the rest of your course work won’t get affected by this, I think he will give us the green light.

Can’t wait for our next lesson. See you tomorrow buddie,

 

 

Thank you Seamus! I know I haven’t quite get the hang from Algebra yet, but I know I’ll like this book a lot.

Hopefully Father will say yes.

 

***

 

Father: Arthur, you will remain and follow the approved syllabus for this year. There will be no more discussions on the matter. Do not interfere again with Mister O’Kelly’s work and stick to his lessons - Uther Pendragon, CEO of Pendragon Publishing House.

Seen by Arthur Pendragon, 15:36.

 

Arthur: Understood Father.

Seen by Father, 18:43.

 

***

 

It’s OK, Arthur. You can keep my copy just in case you feel like reading something before going to bed. And then maybe we can discuss it quickly before starting our lessons. I think that plan can work for us.

Seamus.

 

***

 

Father: I spoke to Seamus today. He has let me know you are not performing at your best capacity in Algebra. Do not shrug off your responsibilities Arthur. I let him know he should start giving you extra assignments over the weekend to recover from this mishap. You will do these duties on your own --you cannot expect to receive help all the time. Do not fail to do so. Life does not give you second chances to recover from your faults. Do not expect me for lunch or dinner, I will arrive late - Uther Pendragon, CEO of Pendragon Publishing House.

Seen by Arthur Pendragon, 10:34.

 

Arthur: I understand, Father.

 

Arthur: I will not disappoint you.

Seen by Father, 13:46.

 

***

 

Seamus,

I don’t want to bother you because it’s Sunday and you don’t want to deal with kids on the weekend. I just don’t understand how to do number 6 on the third page of the Calculus sheet. I’ve been trying and reading the marked pages on my book, but I don’t understand. I have the result for X, but what do I do with Y?

It’s OK if you don’t answer.

(But my father is coming here for dinner and wants to see my homework done by then)

Arthur Pendragon.

 

 

Arthur! Not a problem. Helping you make sense of the horrible world that is Algebra is my duty in this world. I attached a photo of my exercises solving the problem on page 3. I put explanations to every step so you don’t get too lost doing it.

If you still don’t understand, do send me another mail. I’m here for you buddie. Let’s tame this monster together!

 

 

Seamus. I understand now. Thank you!

 

 

My pleasure. See you tomorrow. Hopefully you’ll be on time, sleepy-head.

 

***

 

Father: Arthur, I’m very impressed by your work last night. I left the revised copy in the kitchen for you in the morning. Do come for breakfast at a sensitive time. I will be discussing with Seamus this improvement. I will not be on time for lunch but perhaps dinner - Uther Pendragon, CEO of Pendragon Publishing House.

Seen by Arthur Pendragon, 08:16.

 

Arthur: Thank you Father.

Seen by Father, 12:23.

 

Father: Arthur, I have spoken with Seamus. He has admitted having sent you help on Sunday even though I explicitly stated you ought to receive no help. This is a disappointment, son. I expected more of you, thinking you could do this on your own. It is my fault. I asked too much. After careful consideration I have come to the decision that Mister O’Kelly might not be suitable for your educational needs. He has been released from his contractual needs and you will start your lessons with a new tutor in two days’ time. In the meantime you will be punished for your deception with no Internet and TV for that amount of time. Just because you would not be having your lessons, does it mean this will be a time of leisure for you. And you will redo the assignments from scratch in front of me once I come back for dinner. Hopefully you do not disappoint me again - Uther Pendragon, CEO of Pendragon Publishing House.

Seen by Arthur Pendragon, 17:59.

 

Arthur: I am sorry Father. It will not happen again.

Seen by Father, 19:34.

 

Father: No. It will not.

Seen by Arthur Pendragon, 19:45.

 

***

 

Seamus, I’m really sorry about it. It’s my fault. I should have never asked you for help knowing I had to do it on my own. Please don’t hate me for it. I’ll miss our lessons.

 

 

Arthur,

It’s OK.

It is not your fault. Just things that happen. That is life for you.

I do feel bad for this but because we will not be friends any more. I enjoyed our lessons for the time they were and wish you the best for your academic future. I’m sure you will accomplish great things someday. You’re a brilliant fourteen year old and the world is a beast waiting for you to destroy.

Do great things,

 

 

Arthur, one last word. Don’t forget about those History lessons.

Your face always seemed to glow when we talked about it.

Just maybe... don’t mention them to your father for now.

 

 

Maybe I will Seamus. I’ll miss our lessons too.

 

Save for Drafts or Delete?

Are you sure you want to delete this message?

Delete.

 

***

 

theWart has entered the conversation.

 

badaesthetic: why does every conversation ends with somebody calling me a dick?

Seraphine: jeez, why could that be?

Artsygirly: well hello theWart. We were wondering about u :)

Seraphine: welcome back theWart. It’s been so long.

badaesthetic: like two weeks.

Seraphine: but with u around, every conversation feels like an eternity.

badaesthetic: I have heart eyes Seraphine.

Seraphine: dick.

Artsygirly: ignore them, theWart. How’s it going?

Seraphine: do tell us about your life.

badaesthetic: what could he tell? The thing is a mouse, he’ll never talk.

theWart: I FUCKING HATE MY FATHER!!!!!!!!!

theWart: FUCKING HATE HIS GUTS!!!

Artsygirly: whoops, there he is!

Seraphine: you were saying?

badaesthetic: don’t know what u guys were saying.

badaesthetic: but I like this Wart.

Artsygirly: like I said before, theWart, welcome to Hell. Make yourself comfortable.

theWart: thank u.

 

 2.

 

September 14.

 

Dear Merlin.

The weather is shit. The sky looks like shit. I just saw a dog walking down the street and it took a massive shit. It looked just like this day.

Life is shit.

Why did you have to move, you inconsiderate bastard?

Will - Best Friend of the Century.

 

September 17.

 

Dear Will.

It creeps me out that you sent me a postcard from my home-town (I don’t care what my mum says, Ealdor will always be my home) I’m sorry you are there all alone and the weather seems to be so bad. Was the dog cute at least?

Life is shit indeed.

Merlin - Best Friend of the Millennium.

 

September 21.

 

Maybe I wouldn’t have to be sending a certain someone postcards like a big girl if a certain someone had a proper phone line by now. Or internet access. I knew that place would be a terrible one, you don’t even have proper technology. It sounds like hell on earth. Maybe you should come back.

Just a thought.

Life keeps getting shittier.

Will - Best Friend of All Times.

 

September 26.

 

Mum said our phone would be ready next week, so don’t get your knickers in a bunch. And Uncle Gaius has a computer at his place and I used last week so I’m not that technology ignorant. But it was boring. I don’t see the point in using the Internet yet.

Piles of shit keep adding to this already big pile of shit.

Merlin - The Ultimate of Best Friends.

 

***

 

M: Can you hear me now?

W: No.

M: You’re so funny Will.

W: I know. I think I got exponentially funnier ever since you left.

M: Exponentially? Did you eat a thesaurus too?

W: I might have. I might have done many things since you left, you know? I might have even started an ant farm in my kitchen. Who knows?

M (sighing): I’m sorry. You know that, don’t you? It’s not like I chose to move across the country on my own. This isn’t my fault.

W: I know that.

M: Stupid parents.

W: Yeah! Stupid parents with their stupid problems!

M: Yeah!

(Silence for over ten seconds - A kettle starts to boil from one of the line’s ends.)

M: So, did you?

W: Did what?

M: Did you really start an ant farm in your kitchen?

W: Yes Merlin. I keep right beside my bestiary and my herb garden.

M: Bestiary now? You did eat a thesaurus! Gross!

W: Shut up, you’re the gross one!

M: How come, big word guy?

W: You are gross for moving away and leave me alone in this shit town...

M: I know.

(Somebody picks the kettle and starts pouring it, preparing two cups of tea.)

M: I’m sorry.

W: Well, like you said. Not really your fault.

(Somebody leaves a freshly made cup of tea beside the phone table. Somebody drinks it.)

W: So, what did you do in your uncle’s computer? I mean, how much porn did you watch?

M: You are so the gross one, Will. I can’t look at porn at my uncle’s computer!

W: Then what did you do that wasn’t really that impressive?

(Somebody takes a sip from the cup. It’s too hot.)

M: I don´t know. Just stuff.

W: You did look for porn! I’m so proud of you.

M: It wasn’t like that! I just--- It’s stupid.

W: So far, so good.

M (mumbling): I went to a chat room or something like that...

W: A what?

M: You heard me.

W: I know but I still don’t believe it.

M: It said on the website it was for kids who felt lonely and wanted friends.

W: Stranger danger.

M (chuckling): Yeah, probably. Not that it matters.

W: Ohhh, is little Merlin disappointed that a sexual predator didn’t make a move on him?

M: Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross!

W: What is it then?

M: I just, when I logged in, nobody was there.

W: You mean to tell me... that you were ignored on a chat-room meant for lonely kids?

M: Told you it was stupid.

W: Damn, that sounds harsh.

M: Maybe. Doesn’t matter really. It was probably full with creepy old guys anyway.

W: Probably.

M: Talk to you later?

W: Fine.

M: Bye Will.

W: Yeah, bye.

 

***

 

October 3.

 

I finally start school tomorrow. I don’t think I’ll be able to get up from bed. My legs are already shaking, and my hands are already sweating and I think I’m starting to see white spots just from writing this thing. I mean, I already know they are all going to think I’m a massive freak but still. I’m nervous.

Look! I made a drawing on the side to prove how nervous I am. It is me and a nice, lovely and smelly pool of my own vomit. Hope you like it.

 

October 9.

 

Well, school started here a long time ago. Not that you would ask –because you were still around. I think this is going to be my year. Without you by my side, I will finally reach my full potential and become an astronaut. Although it might get tough when you won’t be around to copy on your Algebra tests. Who knows? Maybe I can copy somebody else now. I will expand my social horizons or something like that.

What’s the problem with people calling you a freak? It only means you are different and that rocks!

(In my opinion I guess. You know I like you like a freak, Merlin).

 

P.S. Tell me about your first day anyway. I want to know how many girls you traumatized with your ears.

 

***

 

Misses Emrys, I’m principal Carleon. I leave this message informing you of a certain unpleasant incident occurred today at our school during lunch time. Given your current situation and being young Merlin’s first week attending our school, we will only invite you for a conversation to hopefully, discern this displeasing topic soon. I will be expecting you at my office tomorrow, setting this appointment.

I know children don’t take this sort of topics very lightly, but do remember here at Albion we hope nothing but the best for Merlin’s well-being. Perhaps we can discuss the idea of Merlin visiting the student counsellor to talk about his rage. But we will speak more about it tomorrow. Goodbye.

 

***

 

Merlin dear. I went shopping nearby for food and the other things you need. Drink the painkillers I left by your bed and keep the ice in your cheek until it doesn’t feel like pulsating any more. Your jaw will probably still hurt a little so I’ll buy baby food to care for my baby too.

I’ll see you soon,

Love mummy.

:)

 

***

 

School was uneventful (See, I know fancy words too.)

It’s boring and my classmates are boring too.

They did call me a freak but I ignored it.

Call soon again.

 

***

 

October 20.

Dear whatever diary this is (but the stupid counsellor told me to do it.)

 

Maybe is wrong that I miss Will more than I miss dad.

But at least Will talked to me and made me laugh. Dad was just there. And he never talked. My face still hurts and I hate this town.

This is stupid.

Being me and not having anybody hearing me, knowing what I can do, telling me to leave the room because they think I’m a freak is stupid. The world is a stupid place because I don’t have my best friend around, so what’s the point?

There is no point, stupid diary. Because life is as stupid as you, you useless piece of paper.

 

3.

 

Artsygirly: but I don’t like it. It tastes bad.

Seraphine: I don’t like it either but daddy always says “too bad.”

 

badaesthetic has entered the conversation.

 

badaesthetic: what are you talking about?

badaesthetic: my amazingly great looks?

Seraphine: *pukes*

Artsygirly: you understand us so well badaesthetic.

 

theWart has entered the conversation.

 

badaesthetic: finally! My good ally has arrived.

badaesthetic: theWart always has my back against you pair of mean girls.

theWart: what is it?

badaesthetic: they insulted my honour.

badaesthetic: avenge me.

theWart: u have no honour.

Seraphine: *laughs for eternity*

Seraphine: you’re on your own now.

badaesthetic: TREASON!

theWart: lol.

theWart: so, what’s happening?

Artsygirly: my father sent me to my room because I didn’t like his cooking.

Seraphine: I think she should be happy her father tries to cook something.

Artsygirly: I think he should not experience his cuisine techniques with me. What do u think theWart?

Artsygirly: does your father cook for u?

theWart: yeah right. My father would die before doing something like that for me.

Seraphine: I still think it’s nice.

 

Myrddin has entered the conversation.

 

badaesthetic: well hello there!

Myrddin: hi?

Seraphine: ohh u sound shy.

theWart: it was just a type.

Seraphine: it was typed with shyness then.

Seraphine : >:(

Myrdinn: sorry?

Seraphine: oh no! It wasn’t meant for you. It was for theWart.

Myrddin: oh.

Myrddin: okay then.

Artsygirly: hello to you too Myrddin.

Myrddin: hi.

Seraphine: Hi Myrddin!

Myrddin: hi.

theWart: don’t u know how to write anything else?

Artsygirly: WART!

Artsygirly: don’t be rude.

Myrddin: it’s okay.

Myrddin: not surprising.

theWart: what does that mean?

Myrddin: wart?

Myrddin: like in White’s book?

Myrddin: bit of a royal complex?

Seraphine: what book?

badaesthetic: don’t u have English lessons over there Seraphine?

Seraphine: I don’t happen to live in a place where they speak English!

badaesthetic: oh.

badaesthetic: why didn’t I know that?

Seraphine: u never asked.

badaesthetic: explains your spelling then.

Seraphine: DICK.

Seraphine: is there a typo there?

Artsygirly: OK. Calm down.

Artsygirly: the book is The Once and Future King, right?

Myrddin: yes.

theWart: yeah.

Seraphine: ohhh, synchronised!

badaesthetic: god help me.

theWart: wait

theWart: so Myrddin, u say because I like a book, it means I’m what? Thinking I’m the king.

Myrddin: idk. U were the one who acted all rude towards me.

Myrddin: u tell me.

theWart: did nobody tell u you should be nice when meeting strangers?

theWart: u don’t gain new friends being like that

Myrddin: u are right.

Myrddin: this was stupid.

 

Myrddin has left the conversation.

 

Seraphine: oh nooooo

Seraphine: WART!

Artsygirly: why did u talk to him/her like that?

Artsygirly: that was rude.

badaesthetic: yeah. At least I don’t insult people until I know them.

theWart: I didn’t insult them!

Seraphine: we are all here looking for friends.

Seraphine: u told them they would not get any new ones being like that.

Artsygirly: now he/she will never come back.

 

Myrddin has entered the conversation.

 

badaesthetic: whoops!

Myrddin: just so u know WART.

Myrddin: king arthur sucked.

Myrddin: the wizard was far better.

Myrddin: PRAT.

 

Myrddin has left the conversation.

badaesthetic: I will be the first one saying it.

badaesthetic: but I like this myrddin.

 

theWart has left the conversation.

 

Artsygirly: goddddd

Artsygirly: so much angst.

Seraphine: did u eat something yet?

Artsygirly: yeah.

Artsygirly: my father bought me pizza.

Seraphine: yeiiii!

 

***

 

October 29.

It’s not easy making new friends.

It’s not easy making friends. Period.

So what right does this thing has to try and steal my friends away from me? They were mine first. And only because they have a weird, mysterious nickname, they don’t get to make fun of mine.

King Arthur was by far the best character. They don’t know anything.

I hate them.

 

***

 

Father: Arthur. George has informed of how you seem to spend much of your free time using the computer. Although I don’t mind seen how you put good use to that useless waste of money you made me spent, I do not approve of you spending your idle hours doing nothing useful for your education. I do not like the idea of that device distracting you from your important lessons. From now on, the computer time will be restricted to an hour a day and perhaps an hour and a half on the weekend depending on your performance during the week. You must earn your right to find amusement first of all. Nothing comes in life free. George will also start to oversee your time spent on it. - Uther Pendragon, CEO of Pendragon Publishing House.

Seen by Arthur Pendragon, 08:27.

 

Arthur: I understand.

Seen by Father, 10:35.

 

***

 

theWart has entered the conversation.

 

wolfmasterandlord: hey Wart. Long-time no see.

badaesthetic: we thought u were still sulking for the other day.

theWart: I didn’t sulk.

theWart: I never do.

wolfmasterandlord: sure ;)

badaesthetic: why don’t u ever wink at me?

wolfmasterandlord: eh.

badaesthetic: why am I friend with u people? U always wound me.

theWart: lol.

theWart: where is everybody?

wolfmasterandlord: I think Seraphine had a dentist appointment and Artsygirly must be at school.

wolfmasterandlord: why aren’t u at school wart?

theWart: I don’t go to school. I have lessons at home.

badaesthetic: oh man! That sounds so much better!

badaesthetic: imagine not having to wake up early in the morning to go outside.

badaesthetic: u can probably do anything!

theWart: it’s not so bad like that. I guess.

wolfmasterandlord: so u don’t have any classmates?

theWart: no.

 

Myrddin has entered the conversation.

 

badaesthetic: yeah for somebody who doesn’t hate me!

Myrddin: who hates u?

badaesthetic: everybody.

badaesthetic: except u. U are a good friend.

Myrddin: okay.

Myrddin: what were u talking about?

wolfmasterandlord: theWart being home-schooled.

Myrddin: hey! The real wart was home-schooled too.

theWart: is from a book, Myrddin, don’t be stupid.

badaesthetic: here we goooo...

Myrddin: I was just trying to say something nice.

Myrddin: u are the one being stupid.

theWart: I’m not the one thinking a character from a book is real.

Myrddin: I just really like the book.

theWart: BIG DEAL.

Myrddin: what does it matter so much to you if I like the book?

theWart: why do u always have to talk about the book? Are u some sort of expert or something?

Myrddin: I just like the book!

Myrddin: and I’m trying to have a conversation. BEING FRIENDLY. Ever heard of that word before?

theWart: u think you are SOOO smart, don’t u? But the other girls are not around to protect u.

Myrddin: why do u always have to be such an idiot?

theWart: don’t call me an idiot.

badaesthetic: he can’t be too idiotic if he’s home-schooled.

Myrddin: u know what? That explains a lot.

Myrddin: u have private lessons, u must be some rich kid who thinks he can make everybody think they are less for not being him.

theWart: shut up!!

Myrddin: why are u even here if you don’t know how to make new friends? Did daddy refuse to buy u a new pony?

theWart: I SAID SHUT UP. DON’T TALK ABOUT MY FATHER. DON’T TALK TO ME. I HATE U!

 

theWart has left the conversation.

 

Myrddin has left the conversation.

 

badaesthetic: sooo

wolfmasterandlord: sooo

 

Seraphine has entered the conversation.

 

Seraphine: hey ya!

badaesthetic: thank god!

 

***

 

November 5.

 

Stupid Myrddin. I hate him. HATE HIM!!

 

November 6.

 

He doesn’t know anything about me.

I HATE HIM.

 

November 7.

 

Why does he have to be so popular with them? I met them first! My friends, not his! I’m never talking to them again!

I hate Myrddin.

 

November 8.

 

He should not have talked about my father. That was stupid. Thinking he knows me. How can he know me? WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

Friends know each other. He’s nothing.

Stupid Myrddin.

 

November 9.

 

I wish he left the chat. Or that he didn’t call me stupid. He’s probably good at maths too. Or good at everything, including making new friends. Why do I have to be so idiotic at everything?

Everything was fine till he came along. I hate him. And I hate that stupid book. It was my book, like my friends and now it’s also his. He can’t take it away.

He can’t.

 

November 10.

 

But maybe --it would be nice to have somebody to talk about it.

He can’t be that stupid if he knows how good the book is.

 

November 11.

 

Father says to never apologise for something that isn’t your fault. But he never says anything about knowing if it is my fault or not in the first place. I wish I could ask him what to do. But he’d say saying sorry is for the weak minded. And then he’d hate me for being weak.

I’m not weak.

I don’t want to be.

 

November 12.

 

I miss the chat. And I miss them. But they probably don’t miss me. Now they have Myrddin with them.

 

November 13.

 

Myrddin doesn’t know what he talks about. I DO know how to be FRIENDLY. I just don’t want to be friends with him, because I don’t find everything he says adorable. Or something.

But maybe he can be friendly too. Maybe I can learn to tolerate him. Father never mentions the word ‘tolerance,’ but I know what it means. I’ll be the better man and then, they will all see how much better than Myrddin I can be and they’ll want me back and hate him like I do.

 

November 14.

 

Maybe he doesn’t have much friends of his own either.

I don’t think it would be very nice make the rest hate him for me.

We will JUST have to tolerate each other.

 

***

 

Artsygirly: but I think it looks better the other way!!

Myrddin: OK fine! But I still don’t like it.

 

theWart has entered the conversation.

 

Artsygirly: oh dear.

theWart: hey.

Artsygirly: hi.

Artsygirly: where were u Wart? We missed u!

Artsygirly: u should not disappear on us :(

theWart: sorry.

Artsygirly: don’t do it again!!

theWart: I won’t.

Artsygirly: :)

Myrddin: we can keep talking later Artsygirly?

Artsygirly: OK, Myrddin.

theWart: WAIT.

theWart: don’t leave yet.

Myrddin: why...

Artsygirly: BE CIVIL.

Myrddin: I’m always civil. He’s the one who doesn’t know how to behave around people.

Artsygirly: Myrddin!

Myrddin: it’s true!

theWart: hey! I’M STILL HERE.

Myrddin: I know. That’s why I want to leave now!

theWart: I was thinking about something I meant to say.

Myrddin: did it hurt?

theWart: what?

Myrddin: use your brain for the first time.

Artsygirly: Myrddin!

Artsygirly: (lol)

theWart: I want to be the better man here so I’ll ignore that.

Myrddin: fine. What made u think for the first time, better man?

theWart: maybe we should learn to tolerate each other better.

Myrddin: tolerate?

theWart: yes, tolerance. Ever heard of that word?

Myrddin: sorry but I thought u only knew the words ‘idiot’ and ‘stupid.’

theWart: about that...

theWart: I shouldn’t have called u an idiot before.

theWart: I’m sorry.

Myrddin: WHAT?

Artsygirly: WHAT?

theWart: shut up, I’m not writing that again.

Myrddin: whoa.

Myrddin: then, thank you for your apology. I accept it.

theWart: OK then.

theWart: GOOD.

Myrddin: and I’m sorry if I said something about your father too.

theWart: right.

Myrddin: sorry.

theWart: that is settled then.

Artsygirly: OH MY GOD.

Artsygirly: this is just painful to read. Are any of u being skinned alive as you write this, because it feels like it.

Myrddin: u shut up miss!

Myrddin: and now I’m really leaving.

theWart: I thought u were leaving because of me. Because u hated me.

Myrddin: u are not the centre of my universe Wart.

Myrddin: and I still hate u.

Myrddin: but now, I TOLERATE you too.

 

Myrddin has left the conversation.

 

Artsygirly: that was nice of u.

theWart: thank u.

Artsygirly: what is not nice is try to read two emotionally stunned idiots having a conversation about feelings.

theWart: I hate u too.

 

theWart has left the conversation.

 

Artsygirly: idiots.

 

4.

 

(The phone was calling - The TV was playing in the background at one end; the silent vacuum of an almost empty room filled the other. Both should be studying but neither of them did.)

M: Hello?

W: Hi Merls.

M: Sorry, wrong number.

W: Hilarious Merlin, hilarious. A tremendous display of that humour of yours.

M: Stop mastering new words when I’m away. I can’t make fun of a good vocabulary.

W: I told you that without you I can pay more attention during class.

M: So my leaving worked for the best then?

W: Yes, that is exactly what I meant.

M: I hate you.

W: Same here.

M: Good to know at least some things don’t change that much.

W: I’m the same old Will, only smarter and more incredible than ever.

M: Yes, and even more delusional.

(A shared laugh with a tincture of old times.)

W: So, how are your new friends?

M: What new friends?

W: The ones on the internet that are totally not sex-predators.

M: Shut up, they are good people --nice people even.

W: Except the one.

M: Don’t remind me of that prat, please. I have enough of him with him being himself.

W: Right. Glad to see he doesn’t get to you.

M: He doesn’t. I pretty much ignore him and he ignores me unless we have to say something to each other, which happens almost never.

W: Isn’t it weird?

M: What?

W: To have just an acquaintance within your friends. Isn’t it like, incredibly awkward?

(A pulsating silence, searching for the right words.)

M: Not really.

(Not a very thorough search after all.)

W: Really? Because I thought you hated him, like hated him with profound scorn.

M: Stop it with the fancy words.

W: Scorn is hardly fancy.

M: It is when it comes to you.

W: Insulting my intelligence doesn’t help change the topic.

M: Maybe I don’t hate him as much now. We are in some sort of mutual tolerance ground now.

W: Meaning?

M: We don’t insult each other as much anymore.

W: You have such a diplomatic soul, Merlin. It’s sweet.

M: I’m going to hang up now.

W: To silently tolerate the other prat?

M: Hanging up now.

(Silence - Only when he returns to his chair by the table does he wonder if there was another reason for his friend to be calling him.)

 

***

 

December 2.

 

Dear-Stupid-Diary.

 

I got a call from my dad last night, wanting to know how I was doing at school. I thought for a couple of minutes about what I could tell him. Should I tell him about the third time I came home with a broken lip? I thought it would be too gory too. Should I tell him about how I have to eat my lunch locked in the bathroom because otherwise I might not eat anything at all? Figured he didn’t want to know about my bathroom routine. Should I tell him about yesterday, when some boys stole my books and soaked them inside the toilet? What would have been the point? Mum said it didn’t matter, there were just books. ‘Material things don’t matter, Merlin,’ she always says even when sometimes there isn’t enough money to buy good groceries. Should I tell him we are not eating as good as we did when we lived back there?

Should I tell him that even though my life is hell on earth here, I still preferred it to be living with him?

I said nothing instead. ‘Life is good, nobody has died and school is the same everywhere.’ I think he wanted to ask me about my magic later but he never said it. I suppose I should be glad for it. Be glad that the conversation was cut short because my father doesn’t know what to talk to me about during a casual phone-call. 

I’m glad.

 

***

 

Misses Emrys, this is principal Carleon. I find unfortunate having to leave one of these new messages with you, again. But Merlin seemed to have been caught in another fight during recess today. Although he is a stellar student with the marks he has been presenting so far, we cannot longer treat him with a preferential treatment because of his newly-arrived condition. It has been two months now --he needs to readjust to our school’s policy. It will be better for everybody if this happened sooner rather than later. I wanted to let you know that even though it wasn’t merited this time, the school will be assessing the option of suspension if it happens again.

I will see you tomorrow to discuss further this topic. Merlin’s counsellor would also be present. Do remember everybody here wants the best for him too. Goodbye and see you tomorrow.

 

***

 

Merlin love, I got a second shift at the store tonight. I left the dinner defrosting in the sink. Just put it inside the microwave, two minutes and it will be ready.

We need to talk about these fights. I will see you tomorrow. Maybe I can take you to school -it will have to be earlier than normal, so I don’t arrive late for my morning shift, but still- and we can talk about what is happening.

Don’t shut me out love.

:)

 

***

 

Myrddin has entered the conversation.

 

Myrddin: hello?

Myrddin: anybody here?

Myrddin: great.

Myrddin: I’ll be talking to myself then.

Myrddin: well hello Myrddin, what a lovely pleasure to see you here.

Myrddin: like was Myrddin, u just happen to be the person I was looking for.

Myrddin: *blushes*

Myrddin: u charming self.

 

theWart has entered the conversation.

 

theWart: I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?

 

Myrddin has left the conversation.

 

theWart: but Myrddin, u charming self, don’t leave!!

 

Myrddin has entered the conversation.

 

Myrddin: don’t be a prat.

theWart: sorry.

Myrddin: really?

theWart: :)

Myrddin: I hate u.

theWart: so... Where is everybody?

Myrddin: idk.

theWart: shame.

Myrddin: I’m sorry if I’m not good enough company on my own.

theWart: I didn’t mean that.

Myrddin: yeah right.

theWart: don’t be such a girl.

Myrddin: don’t be such a prat.

theWart: why do u always have to be so sensitive? Maybe not everything is an insult.

theWart: Myrddin??

theWart: heyyyyy.

Myrddin: have u ever thought that perhaps it’s not me being the overly sensitive one but just u being incredibly rude.

Myrddin: why do I have to be the one with the issue?

theWart: maybe you are right.

theWart: I don’t think I’m very good at this.

Myrddin: at what?

theWart: being friendly, making friends. I don’t think I do it very well.

Myrddin: u can’t be that bad...

theWart: u think?

Myrddin: the other guys really seem to like u, although I have no idea why.

theWart: whoa thanks.

Myrddin: :)

theWart: I didn’t mean it was a shame because it was only u before.

theWart: but I get an hour a day on the computer and I like to talk to the rest too.

Myrddin: oh. Strict house?

theWart: something of the sort.

Myrddin: I’ll stay until somebody else arrives.

theWart: u don’t have to.

Myrddin: do u want to have a conversation with yourself too?

theWart: I don’t think I could be as eloquent as you.

Myrddin: not even if you tried.

theWart: thanks.

Myrddin: :).

 

***

 

Hello love. This is your mother’s sweet daily reminder that you are a wonderful boy who doesn’t have to prove anything to anybody to know how special and amazing you are.

This is also your mother’s less sweet and sterner reminder that physical violence doesn’t solve anything and that I’ll be very much pleased if I stopped getting calls into work from the principal.

Have a lovely day and enjoy your lunch.

(I tried to find the same brand of ketchup we used to eat before. I think this one should come close enough.)

Mum, :).

 

***

 

December 12.

 

Hey Merlin. I can’t believe you are always either too busy or away to answer my calls that I have to write to you about my daily life.

But maybe I can train on spelling and be a good student for once. I think all of our teachers are hoping, fingers crossed, that I somehow pick up whatever trail of intelligence you left behind. They want me to be the new smart-ass but that is your job. Hopefully you are doing it properly at the hell you now call home.

Not much to tell really, which makes this letter even a more obnoxious waste of time. A new girl came here today. She reminds me a little bit of you, being all mousy and quiet. She evens has dark hair and blue eyes. Her name is Freya but she hardly speaks. I don’t know why I tell you about her, but she has been the only thing happening around here. What about you? Is school still that uneventful? I can’t believe there isn’t at least a bit of drama there. C’mon, there has to be something you can tell me.

Tell me anything, I don’t care how meaningless it seems.

Will - Best Friend Ever.

 

***

 

Myrddin has entered the conversation.

 

theWart: hey.

Myrddin: hey.

Myrddin: nobody else?

theWart: nope.

Myrddin: shame.

Myrddin: :)

theWart: yeah.

Myrddin: how do they dare to have proper lives outside the internet?

theWart: outrageous!

Myrddin: can I ask u something?

theWart: OK.

Myrddin: it’s okay if you say no.

theWart: just ask.

Myrddin: u think it’s possible to be replaced from somebody else’s life after some time has passed? Like, if u can vanish from somebody’s existence eventually?

Myrddin: it’s a stupid question, I know.

theWart: it’s not that.

theWart: I don’t think I’m the right person to give advices.

Myrddin. Oh. OK.

Myrddin: then I’ll come back when somebody who can is here.

theWart: that should be for the best.

 

Myrddin has left the conversation.

 

5.

 

Father: Arthur, my schedule will allow me for me to be here on the 24th until six in the afternoon. I will be boarding my plane later and I will return for the celebration in the 31st. Remember you must update your suit for the evening. Do not embarrass me. If you couldn’t remember how important it was for our family’s name to look properly, then don’t bother attending. I will make Jameson leave your present in the habitual place but I believe, being fourteen years old, you have surpassed the age of receiving wrapped presents. Do not forget your lessons while I am away, and make me regret giving you anything. I will not see you at dinner today - Uther Pendragon, CEO of Pendragon Publishing House.

Seen by Arthur Pendragon, 16:01.

 

Arthur: Understood.

Seen by Father, 21:09.

 

***

 

badaesthetic: this is silly.

Artsygirly: why?

Artsygirly: I think it’s quite obvious.

Seraphine: necessary even.

badaesthetic: silly.

 

wolfmasterandlord has entered the conversation.

 

wolfmasterandlord: hello and what is silly?

Artsygirly: that we should at least know some more details about ourselves.

wolfmasterandlord: like what?

Seraphine: birthdays!!!

wolfmasterandlord: really?

Artsygirly: u think is stupid too.

badaesthetic: because he smart.

wolfmasterandlord: sounds fun.

wolfmasterandlord: but let’s wait for the other two for it.

badaesthetic: TRAITOR!

Seraphine: uhhh those two.

Seraphine: they work as a pair now.

badaesthetic: nonsense. They hate each other.

Seraphine: do they now?

Seraphine: DO THEY?

badaesthetic: why are u yelling at me?

Artsygirly: because like me, Seraphine is also tired of having these two acting like this.

badaesthetic: u are not considering taking them out of the group, right?

Artsygirly: course not!

Seraphine: NEVER!

wolfmasterandlord: it’s quite obvious, badaesthetic, what they are talking about.

wolfmasterandlord: it’s obvious for everybody.

Seraphine: except them.

wolfmasterandlord: *sighs eternally* except them.

 

theWart has entered the conversation.

 

Seraphine: BIRTHDAYS!!

theWart: OK.

theWart: what?

Artsygirly: we were talking about learning each other’s birthday dates. For future reference.

badaesthetic: and about nothing else.

badaesthetic: nothing at all.

theWart: ehhh...

theWart: u do know I can read what u were saying before, right?

badaesthetic: shut up and tells us your birthday date.

Seraphine: YES!

theWart: OK.

theWart: July 2nd.

Artsygirly: January 13th.

badaesthetic: April 1st.

Artsygirly: seriously?

badaesthetic: don’t mention it. I’ve endured a lifetime of never knowing if my birthday presents were for real or a joke.

Seraphine: suits u.

Seraphine: being the joke u are.

badaesthetic: :(

Artsygirly: now now. If Wart and Myrddin can be civil around each other, surely u two can manage the same.

badaesthetic: I can’t believe I’ll have to learn friendship lessons from those two.

theWart: I won’t go as far as saying it’s a “friendship” though.

wolfmasterandlord: don’t deny it man. U guys are friends.

wolfmasterandlord: besties even.

theWart: shut up.

theWart: he’ll be insufferable if he knows.

 

Myrddin has entered the conversation.

 

Myrddin: hey :)

Myrddin: who will be insufferable?

Seraphine: wart’s best friend.

Myrddin: oh.

Myrddin: okay.

Myrddin: why are u talking about then?

Artsygirly: tells us your birthday!

Myrddin: July 4th.

Seraphine: ha!

wolfmasterandlord: whoa.

Myrddin: what? What’s wrong?

badaesthetic: it might be.... destiny.

badaesthetic: Fate even.

Myrddin: what is it? What’s wrong with that date?

theWart: u guys suck, u know that?

Myrddin: tell me!

Myrddin: :(

theWart: relax... It’s just that MY birthday is July 2nd.

Myrddin: oh!

Myrddin: wait, I don’t get it.

wolfmasterandlord: whoa.

Artsygirly: told u.

Artsygirly: *sighs*

Myrddin: not fair when u have private jokes without me.

theWart: I don’t get it either.

Myrddin: oh great.

Myrddin: now I’m as dim-witted as u are.

theWart: whatever. I’m never trying to comfort u again.

Myrddin: that was u being comforting?

theWart: oh shut up. Just go back to your crying and whining like a baby. That will work just fine for u.

Myrddin: fine.

 

Myrddin has left the conversation.

 

theWart: can u believe him?

theWart: unbelievable.

Seraphine: so....

Seraphine: u were really trying to comfort him?

theWart: all of u UNBELIEVABLE!

 

theWart has left the conversation.

 

wolfmasterandlord: yeah, us.

Artsygirly: so when it’s your birthday, Seraphine?

Seraphine: August 18th.

wolfmasterandlord: mine is January 31st.

Seraphine: u know what we should do in July?

badaesthetic: something silly surely.

Seraphine: JOINT BIRTHDAY PARTY!

Badesthetic: this is a chat-room.

Seraphine: VIRTUAL JOINT BIRTHDAY PARTY!

 

***

 

December 20.

 

I’ve been wondering lately, God knows why, about the idea of disappearing. What would happen if one day I wake up and go walking outside from my home, without telling anybody about it and never coming back? Would somebody miss me? Would somebody even notice it? Father surely would, but only because I didn’t reply to his messages at once. Not that it should matter since he only sees the ones I send after two hours. Maybe the guys at the chat-room would notice it too. Myrddin would probably have a party because I’d be gone --I think I’d be terribly disappointed if he didn’t call me a ‘prat’ for walking away at least once.

Something like that.

On a side note, Christmas is almost here. Myrddin said yesterday that he loves going to the shopping mall to only listen to the music. He’s such an idiot. Maybe somebody can get him a CD with Christmas music this year. I get the idea that he might not get a lot of presents himself but I can’t complain myself. Mine always cost more than fifteen little ones combined. Father seems to think price overrules attention for detail. Not that Myrddin knows that.

Why am I even writing about him? I don’t even like him.

 

December 21.

 

The guys started to joke again about Myrddin being my best friend. Which is STUPID. And doesn’t even make sense. How can he be my best friend when we can hardly stand each other? Shouldn’t that be like, the foundation for friendship? Shouldn’t we get along as good as we both do with the rest of the group? I don’t know why, but there is something that makes us act weirdly around each other from the rest. Like he knows I’m different and I know he’s something else too.

The funny part is that the guys don’t really say it, they just imply it. And Myrddin doesn’t get it (because no matter what he says, he truly is an idiot) and gets all flustered and starts to sulk about never understanding the jokes. He probably stares at his computer screen pouting like a baby. (But don’t dare to call him a baby, oh know, he is nothing of the sort.)

 

***

 

Arthur. This is George. Over this Christmas break, you will have to choose between reading one of mister Charles Dickens’s finest works for your midterm essay. Either David Copperfield or A Christmas Carol. It is my duty to let you know that both your father and I insist that you ought to select the first one. Reading about ghosts and superfluous apparitions over Christmas time is incongruous.

I will be expecting, as your father too, your message with your selection as soon as possible.

George Smith.

 

George,

I’ll be reading A Christmas Carol.

 

***

 

theWart has entered the conversation.

 

Myrddin: hi.

theWart: hello.

Myrddin: Happy Christmas!

theWart: u too.

Myrddin: whoa, don’t try to choke on such festive mood of yours, easy there.

theWart: have a merry bloody and glorious Christmas.

Myrddin: I’m touched.

theWart: nobody else?

Myrddin: clearly not.

theWart: why are u here then if you have such a great holiday spirit?

Myrddin: I’m trying out my new present now. I got my own computer today.

theWart: so how were u talking through here before? Sorcery?

Myrddin: I just went to my uncle’s house and used his computer

theWart: right, makes more sense than magic, right?

Myrddin: guess so.

Myrddin: why are u here?

theWart: just taking advantage that my father’s out so I can use more computer time.

Myrddin: did he go to church and u refused to join him, u impious creature?

theWart: shut up, dork. Nobody says impious in this day and age.

Myrddin: I do.

theWart: and that makes u a dork.

theWart: and no, he didn’t go to church.

Myrddin: hunting? Skiing? Delivering presents on a red slide across the globe?

theWart: trust me, my father is not Father Christmas.

theWart: he just went away for business.

Myrddin: he left on Christmas day? So who are u with now?

theWart: myself and Jameson who makes sure the house is still standing.

Myrddin: oh. That sounds.... bad.

theWart: I’m not looking for pity, u know? I don’t need for u to tell me if it’s wrong or right, or if it makes u feel sad and in touch with your girly emotions. So save it.

Myrddin: my father didn’t call me for Christmas either.

Myrddin: he did buy me a computer.

Myrddin: but he didn’t even add a note on it.

theWart: where is he?

Myrddin: at his house, far away from mine.

theWart: oh.

Myrddin: I tell u this so u can know I’m not feeling sorry for u, or that I think u are a sad little boy. Now u know I have enough with my own tragedies.

theWart: thanks, I guess.

Myrddin: it’s fine.

theWart: and tragedies, Myrddin, really?

Myrddin: shut it, all right?

theWart: it’s the Christmas spirit taking over me.

theWart: hey, can I ask u something?

Myrddin: sure, but u should know I’m not the best at giving advices.

theWart: ha ha.

Myrddin: :)

Myrddin: what is it? Do u need my wisdom?

theWart: god save me but I might.

theWart: have u read A Christmas Carol?

Myrddin: yes! I loved it!

Myrddin: why?

theWart: I have to write a stupid essay about it, maybe... you... could... help... me?

Myrddin: I’m not sure....

theWart: *sighs* please?

Myrddin: does this mean I can talk about books again and u won’t get all crazy about it?

theWart: guess so...

Myrddin: is this my Christmas present from u?

Myrddin: and I didn’t get u anything in return...

theWart: I’m regretting this already.

 

***

 

Father: There has been a change of plans. We will be boarding a plane on the 30th to spend New Year’s Eve in Switzerland at your cousin Morgana’s house. Only pack what is necessary, if it is not at your bag by the end of the day, it stays. I will see you at the airport tonight - Uther Pendragon, CEO of Pendragon Publishing House.

Seen by Arthur Pendragon, 15:00. 

 

6.

 

Have a happy Christmas and a wonderful New Year, my boy.

Hopefully you like the books I got for you. I did try to find some titles that could fit into your area of expertise and interest.

 

 

Merry Christmas, love. We have been through a lot this year, but you have always managed to pull yourself up from all these challenges and strive from them.

Let’s make the next year a better one.

Mum,

:)

 

 

Hey Merlin. Happy Christmas and happy New Year.

(I’m not going to say anything else because feelings are stupid and so.)

Will

(Best Fucking Friend in the World)

 

 

Happy New Year, Merlin.

Greetings from your father.

 

 

Happy New Year Will. Feels like I haven’t talked to you in ages.

I’ll try to call more, and thank you for the present too. Although I didn’t show it to my mum, I think she might have guessed what it was from the way my face turned red like it was about to explode.

Cheers for that mate, you just humiliated me in front of my family on Christmas day by giving me my first porn stash.

Merlin

(Best Fucking Friend in the Galaxy)

 

***

 

Myrddin has entered the conversation.

 

Seraphine: and the party is complete!

badaesthetic: I can hear the music, this is amazing.

Artsygirly: have u ever considered, badaesthetic, stopping the sarcasm, just one time?

badaesthetic: never.

badaesthetic: I think I feel weak from thinking about it. I might get a fever from the thought.

Myrddin: what party?

Seraphine: a new year’s party, dum dum.

Myrddin: u do know is January 4th, right?

Seraphine: god, u sound just like Wart.

Myrddin: and that thought will give me nightmares now.

Myrddin: he’s not here anymore?

Myrddin: he usually jumps straight away to defend his honour.

Artsygirly: u just missed him, he even said goodbye, seemed like he was going away for a while.

badaesthetic: he said skiing or something fancy.

badaesthetic: can’t say I envy him, me and the snow never got along.

Artsygirly: just admit u don’t have the necessary muscle coordination for the job.

badaesthetic: I feel insulted.

Seraphine: not all...

Myrddin: so, did Wart say when he’ll be back?

Artsygirly: not really, but I’ll say a week or so.

Artsygirly: so relax.

Myrddin: who relax? Me relax?

Myrddin? Why would I have to relax?

Myrddin: actually, this is just the perfect moment to feel relaxed now that the prat is gone.

 

wolfmasterandlord has entered the conversation.

 

wolfmasterandlord: I sense Myrddin is getting restless.

Seraphine: Wart left for a holiday and didn’t say goodbye to him.

Wolfmasterlord: deal breaker material.

Myrddin: is not like I’m going to stop being his friend just because I didn’t catch him before he left.

Myrddin: not that we are actually friends.

badaesthetic: I’ll make sure to say that to Wart when he comes back, that u don’t think you guys are friends.

Seraphine: I thought we were all friends here!

Seraphine: :(

Artsygirly: do focus Seraphine, this is about Myrddin’s feelings.

Myrddin: NO.

Myrddin: this is not about my feelings, because there are not feelings in between.

Myrddin: I don’t care that Wart didn’t say goodbye to me, nor that he won’t be back for a week at least, nor that he might be skiing and break a leg doing so or die buried under a cold avalanche.

Myrddin: he probably doesn’t even know how to ski.

Seraphine: u don’t really believe he would get hurt, right?

Myrddin: No!

Myrddin: it doesn’t matter.

Myrddin: I have to go, my mum is calling me.

Myrddin: talk to u later.

 

Myrddin has left the conversation.

 

wolfmasterandlord: I feel I just witnessed something both beautiful and terrible.

Artsygirly: oh dear, this is getting worse than what we thought.

badaesthetic: is it too late to say that Wart asked me to say Myrddin bye for him?

Seraphine: u are just your own brand of idiotic, aren’t you?

 

***

 

Hey Gaius, seems I didn’t catch you today (Seems to be happening me quite frequently these days) when I stopped by after school.

I came actually because I started to go through some of the books you got me, and I have some questions. Like A LOT of them, so if you would not mind, maybe we can go through some of the things the books talks about. Like some of the “recreational activities.”

Is it me or that sounded incredibly dirty?

Why did I just write that?

As you can see I only have one sheet of paper to leave you with, so this is the final draft with silly commentaries included and I think I’m going to leave now before I embarrass myself any further.

Call home when you see this,

 

I meant, call home when you see this and have the time to call.

 

***

 

Hello Misses Emrys, I’m Gary, Merlin’s counsellor. Everything is fine here, the reason for this call I believe you will find it very pleasant.

I just wanted to let you know about your son’s progress in our sessions. Although I can’t refer to specifics for his sake and our commitment to confidentiality, I can tell you that it seems Merlin is getting better. We have discussed many topics and even though, I understand your difficulty juggling work hours, it would still be the most advantageous opportunity if you could join us for a mother-son session one day. Hopefully, soon.

My only advice so far is that you keep supporting him as you have been doing all along, let him know he is not alone and that eventually you can both understand that changes can be a good thing in the end too. What I would like to discuss whenever we come to meet, and perhaps this detail should be left between us privately first, is Merlin’s lack of connections around school. He has told me he does have friends but from what I have gathered from teachers’ sayings is that he spends most of his time on his own.

Once again, this message is not left to worry you but to let you know how things are shaping up. I will speak to you soon and perhaps we can manage to set a date.

Gary Killiam.

 

***

 

Merlin love, I’ve been thinking that maybe you can invite one of these days to some of your friends from school for lunch over the weekend or maybe stop by in the afternoon for some quick tea and biscuits session before studying.

Maybe if you let me know a specific date beforehand, I can run away from work a while and share a lovely time together.

Let me know if some of your friends can. I can’t wait to meet them.

(I let a can of soda in the fridge for you to take before leaving so it can still be cold when you get to school.)

Love, Mum.

:)

 

***

 

Sorry Mum. None of them can.

(I let you some leftover lasagne in the fridge for you.)

 

***

 

Seraphine: so, did u take many photos of the place?

theWart: not really, I was just busy trying not to fall from a cliff.

Seraphine: don’t say that! Myrddin was already worried u might die buried by an avalanche!

theWart: really?

 

Myrddin has entered the conversation.

 

Myrddin: hello.

Seraphine: look who is back!!

theWart: hey.

Myrddin: oh, I didn’t know you were back.

theWart: I am.

Myrddin: although I didn’t know you have gone in the first place either.

theWart: what?

Myrddin: is not like it matters now anyway.

theWart: what are u talking about now?

Myrddin: nothing.

Myrddin: just u not knowing that it is polite to say goodbye before going away for a long time.

theWart: but I did!

Myrddin: one will think u have some manners.

theWart: hey!

theWart: don’t go around insulting my education, I DID say goodbye.

Myrddin: yeah okay.

theWart: I did! You can ask badaesthetic later. I told HIM to tell YOU I said goodbye.

Myrddin: I said it didn’t matter now.

theWart: clearly it does.

Myrddin: why would it? It’s not like you were missed.

Seraphine: MYRDDIN!

Seraphine: that is not true!

Seraphine: we did miss u Wart! We really did.

 

theWart has left the conversation.

 

Seraphine: what is your problem?

Myrddin: I don’t have a problem.

Seraphine: he was just telling me how much he had missed talking to us, talking to u too, while he was away.

Seraphine: why did you have to say such hurtful things to him?

Seraphine: remember that we are all here because we feel the same in the real world, we feel there isn’t enough space for us outside.

Seraphine: and we come here to find that space, and know there is a point in this world where we can belong.

Myrddin: I’m sorry.

Seraphine: don’t apologize to me.

Seraphine: I’m really mad at u now.

Seraphine: :(

 

Seraphine has left the conversation.

 

Myrddin: ashshdhfdhfdhhsbjbdff

Myrddin: hate this.

Myrddin: hate u.

Myrddin: stupid.

 

***

 

January 13.

 

Dear-Stupid-Useless-Diary.

 

Today is Artsygirly’s birthday but I didn’t congratulate her. They all hate me by now anyway, because of me and my big mouth and my inability to not be myself for more than two seconds.

I do wonder if it’s possible to lose the friends you never had in the first place. Can you lose what you don’t have even though you really believed it for a while? Must be the same sentiment that comes when you let your imaginary friend go, only ten times worse and REAL. But it was a matter of time in the end. We didn’t really know each other, we just kept feeding the pretence that there was something there, that there was a true connection. Nothing but lies.

It was a game.

 

January 14.

 

But the thing is, I do miss them. I miss talking to ~~him~~ them.

And I never missed talking to my imaginary friends before.

 

January 17.

 

Things were always easier with Will because he was always there. He was always present, he was tangible (I looked that one up) and impossible to miss. But these guys? These guys feel like they are the spare parts of a game that fell into some alternate reality. And they welcomed me into their universe without caring for the rules, made me a part of their game too --a game where I can be normal, and have friends, and not be accused of being a freak by everybody else. They make me feel glad of just being there with someone around, just like Will used to do.

He called last night. It seems this Freya girl is really nice, and actually knows some really good jokes. I’m actually glad for him. That he’s not alone any more, that he has someone else to listen to his incessant chatter and lame puns now. That he has someone that can be the ‘me’ I used to be for him.

I’m happy for somebody else although it hurts me like hell, where is my reward then? Don’t I deserve something similar?

 

***

 

Myrddin has entered the conversation.

 

Myrddin: hello?

Myrddin: hi?

Myrddin: okay...

Myrddin: I don’t want to talk to myself any more.

Myrddin: I’m tired of just hearing my own voice.

theWart: hey.

Myrddin: hey.

theWart: this feels weird.

Myrddin: it shouldn’t be.

theWart: maybe.

Myrddin: I’m sorry.

Myrddin: I’m sorry for snapping at you, and insulting your education and saying you were rude and that you weren’t missed.

Myrddin: because u were.

Myrddin: this wasn’t half as fun as it is without u.

Myrddin: I’m sorry.

theWart: thanks.

theWart: I did try to wait long enough to see if you logged in to say goodbye.

Myrddin: I know I just wasn’t having a good day.

theWart: oh. But things are OK now?

Myrddin: well, everybody here hates me.

Myrddin: and I hate everything. I hate my school because nobody talks to me and they steal my things and throw me food at my clothes and then I have to come home and work the washing machine before my mum gets there and sees it. And I hate that I have to write some stupid diary because I need to learn how to express my feelings better. I hate a lot things now.

theWart: seems u have the whole ‘venting your feelings’ thing mastered by now.

theWart: OK, that was a bad joke.

theWart: sorry.

Myrddin: lol.

Myrddin: all of your jokes are bad ones.

theWart: ouch, u know my sense of humour is very touchy subject for me.

Myrddin: I’ll be the judge of that once I find it.

theWart: always so kind.

Myrddin: not always.

theWart: they don’t hate u, OK?

theWart: everybody has even worried sick about u. You even missed Artsygirly’s stupid virtual birthday party.

Myrddin: I know.

Myrddin: I didn’t get to give her my virtual birthday present.

theWart: shame on u!

theWart: OK, bad joke number two right there.

Myrddin: and for some reason, u keep on trying.

Myrddin: how was skiing?

theWart: boring and too long.

Myrddin: u know... it’s okay to admit if u don’t really know how to ski.

theWart: but then you would have known all of my secrets.

Myrddin: isn’t that what being friends should feel like? Resigning to any right of privacy?

theWart: sounds terrible...

theWart: but I’ll take it.

Myrddin: me too.

theWart: hey!

Myrddin: what?

theWart: try to not disappear again around MY birthday next time. I do like to receive my virtual birthday present.

 

wolfmasterandlord has entered the conversation.

 

Myrddin: PRAT!

theWart: IDIOT!

wolfmasterandlord: the universe is at peace once again! Hallelujah!

 

 7.

 

theWart: dog.

Myrddin: cat.

Myrddin: coffee or tea?

theWart: coffee.

Myrddin: hot chocolate.

theWart: why would u... u were the one... really?

Myrddin: winter or summer?

theWart: *groans*

theWart: fine.

theWart: summer.

theWart: u are going to say spring, right?

Myrddin: winter.

Myrddin: country or beach?

theWart: neither.

Myrddin: snow?

theWart: nope.

Myrddin: mountain?

theWart: nope.

Myrddin: desert?

theWart: no.

Myrddin: ehhh

Myrddin: swamp?

theWart: yes, I’m half alligator too.

Myrddin: I think a part of me always knew.

theWart: city actually.

Myrddin: I meant as a holiday destination.

theWart: the city IS my holiday destination.

Myrddin: oh my god.

Myrddin: u do live in a swamp!

Myrddin: how’s the internet connection there?

theWart: can’t complain, how about u?

Myrddin: people say I tend to complain a lot actually.

theWart: country or beach?

Myrddin: beach.

Myrddin: favourite planet in the Solar system?

theWart: ehhhh Jupiter.

Myrddin: such a pompous answer.

theWart: as always, u?

Myrddin: Pluto.

theWart: not a planet.

Myrddin: always a planet!

Myrddin: never forget Pluto.

theWart: u weirdo.

theWart: hey?

theWart: next question?

Myrddin: let’s play something else.

theWart: why?

Myrddin: because.

theWart: fine.

theWart: do u eat your pizza with or without the crusts?

Myrddin: crusts, there are the best part.

theWart: no, I decline to accept that.

Myrddin: how dare u.

theWart: they have no flavour.

Myrddin: u have no flavour!

theWart: planning on eating me soon?

Myrddin: shut up. I might die from thinking about it.

Myrddin: where do u live?

theWart: at my house.

Myrddin: ha ha.

Myrddin: u don’t live in the city?

theWart: no.

Myrddin: okay.

theWart: another question!

Myrddin: so, u live by the seaside then?

theWart: no.

Myrddin: okay.

theWart: new question...?

Myrddin: so, is it the country or something like that?

theWart: not going to drop this, are u?

Myrddin: I’m just curious. I’ll stop if it bothers u too much.

Myrddin: ketchup or mustard?

theWart: neither.

Myrddin: both.

theWart: gross.

Myrddin: :)

theWart: it’s a family state.

theWart: far away from the world so my father can relax over the weekends from his job, which doesn’t really work because he’s hardly here anyway practically living at the office so it’s more like a place for me to do nothing all the time.

Myrddin: so, u don’t have any neighbours? Other people to play with?

theWart: do trees count?

Myrddin: of course.

Myrddin: my best friend is an oak.

theWart: how does that work?

Myrddin: it offers a much more stimulating conversation than u for starters.

theWart: ha bloody ha.

Myrddin: :))))

theWart: do u always smile with four different mouths?

Myrddin: only when things are really funny.

 

***

 

Arthur, although both me and your father disapprove of your choice for this midterm essay, we both agreed it was better than your last work.

I venture to say that my help has been proven to be more beneficial than your previous tutor.

George Smith.

 

***

 

Young Master Pendragon, I left your father’s Christmas present ready for you besides the second garage door if you feel like taking it for a ride around the state. Remember to wear your helmet and don’t go too far or too fast that you end up falling through a stream or under a hill.

Mister Pendragon would have me hang if you were injured under my watch by something as simple as a bicycle ride.

(Also, since your father was not here this morning, I made you your favourite breakfast. I will take it to your room so you won’t have to wake so early.)

 

***

 

Master Pendragon: Jameson, I will not be able to drive Arthur myself to the doctor’s office today so he can see his cast. Remember to make sure he doesn’t arrive late for his appointment and that he must not chose a too visible colour for it. White should suffice just fine. If he needs extra medication for the wrist pain, send Dorothea to the market for it before you arrive back home - Uther Pendragon, CEO of Pendragon Publishing House.

Seen by Thomas Jameson, 07:01.

 

Tom: Understood sir.

Seen by Master Pendragon, 08:35.

 

Master Pendragon: Do remember that if such thing happens again under your watch, there will be consequences to pay for such level of irresponsibility - Uther Pendragon, CEO of Pendragon Publishing House.

Seen by Thomas Jameson, 08:41.

 

Tom: Yes, sir.

Tom: Of course, sir.

Seen by Master Pendragon, 09:23.

 

***

 

Arthur, I have received a message from your father this morning kindly letting me know our lesson this Friday must be driven into a halt before time, and that you must be on your best clothes and ready to depart for a dinner in the city before six in the afternoon.

A shame since we will only manage to revise chapters six and seven of your Algebra book, a shame since we have arrived to my favourite lesson, Functions. But surely we will arrange some extra time the following week to compensate for the lost time. Your father would not want to disrupt your educational time without a good purpose behind.

If you are not on time, it would look poorly on my performance as well.

George Smith.

 

***

 

Hey Jameson. I’m feeling better now. My wrist doesn’t hurt that bad. Have you seen my dark-blue tie somewhere lying around?

(Also, if you could bring me tomorrow more orange juice with my breakfast, I’m sure my wrist will hurt even less.)

 

***

 

(Sounding through intercom)                   Young Master, your father’s car has arrived. Be down at once so I can help you put on your tie properly.                                                   

(Sounding through intercom)                   I know how to put my own ties, thank you  very much.                                                                  

(Sound through intercom)                        I will be the judge of that. Now be down here at once, young master! Now!

                                                            

***

 

Request for private messaging sent.

Waiting for reply... Waiting for reply...

 

Myrddin has logged into Private Message Cloud 1 successfully.

 

Myrddin: does this work?

theWart: of course it does.

Myrddin: I didn’t know we could have private chats here.

Myrddin: how cool.

theWart: I don’t know if the others know too, I only found the link a couple of weeks ago.

Myrddin: then what made u send me the link now?

theWart: guess I was waiting for the right time to have one.

Myrddin: what made this the right time?

theWart: I got a hunch.

Myrddin: what gave u that hunch?

theWart: must u always ask so much about everything?

Myrddin: sorry.

Myrddin: I won’t say anything now.

Myrddin: unless u talk first.

Myrddin: and then I might say something too.

Myrddin: but only if tell me I can speak.

Myrddin: cause I know u get all prattish-mode when I can’t stop talking.

Myrddin: I’m doing it now.

Myrddin: I’ll stop now.

Myrddin: (this is me being quiet)

theWart: are u done now?

Myrddin: yes.

Myrddin: I mean, I’m done... now. No more words... from right now!

theWart: good.

Myrddin: I just think it’s weird to have a conversation with somebody who can’t speak.

theWart: and yet you seem to be doing it just fine.

Myrddin: (nothing but silence)

theWart: I went to the city last Friday.

Myrddin: holiday?

theWart: not really, father said he wanted to have dinner at a restaurant, that I should bring my best clothes and be at my best behaviour.

Myrddin: one of those restaurants with twenty different forks, and all for eating olives?

theWart: yes, exactly that one

Myrddin: didn’t people look weirdly at u when u arrived?

Myrddin: being half alligator?

Myrddin: Wart the wartlligator.

theWart: surprisingly not. It was a very inclusive environment.

Myrddin: lucky u.

theWart: not really.

theWart: I don’t know how to explain what happened later.

Myrddin: can I talk now?

theWart: have u ever needed my permission?

Myrddin: fair enough... but I won’t say anything unless u want me to.

theWart: u can talk.

Myrddin: something bad happened at the restaurant?

theWart: maybe.

Myrddin: but it wasn’t life threatening cause otherwise you wouldn’t be here discussing it.

theWart: maybe.

Myrddin: something your father... said?

theWart: maybe.

Myrddin: something your father said and u didn’t like but it’s not health related cause u can’t blame him on that.

theWart: maybe.

Myrddin: he did or is going to do something that u don’t want to happen.

theWart: maybe...

Myrddin: am I close?

theWart: maybe...

Myrddin: my parents didn’t take me to a fancy restaurant when they told me they were getting a divorce. They told me in the morning, over breakfast, as my mum poured me the milk of my cereal. Then, I went to school and acted as if nothing had happened. My best friend knew something was wrong but he never asked what it was --we just played a stupid game of twenty questions on the ride back home teasing each other like any other normal day. When I came back after school, half of everything was already packed, boxed and labelled. They didn’t tell me I would be leaving too, that that morning would be my last one, they didn’t tell me much actually. But after I saw my mum packing half of the kitchen utensils with her face redden with tears, I went to my room and realised that by not telling me anything, they had said a thousand different things all at once.

Myrddin: I’m still not sure if it was right or wrong of them to leave me in the dark like that. But sometimes I feel like, maybe if they had told me everything sooner rather than later, they could have granted me extra time to heal from the pain of abandoning my life so suddenly. It could not change anything in the end, but still. I realised that maybe my parents could have given me that small courtesy at least, as a pay-off for destroying everything else that I had there.

Myrddin: maybe what your father told u was bad, but maybe it was good he said it in the first place.

theWart: he’s getting remarried this summer, he said this woman was a good opportunity to start over a new family.

theWart: I don’t think he ever wanted me as his son in the first place.

theWart: how do I heal with time from that?

Myrddin: you just... find a way and go with that.

theWart: it can’t be that simple, don’t be naive, life doesn’t work like that.

Myrddin: I know.

Myrddin: but I’m here.

Myrddin: now we can heal together, :)

theWart: because we are friends?

Myrddin: who said such a thing? We barely tolerate each other!

theWart: true.

theWart: u will really be here?

Myrddin: of course, and not because we are friends.

theWart: oh.

Myrddin: best friends, right?

theWart: maybe.

theWart: :))))))))

Myrddin: prat.

 

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End file.
